Saturday, June 21

 The day after the anniversary of Ruthie passing away.

Somehow it seems like this one was hard for me but it was easier than usual for Susie.  

I was thinking about and got emotional thinking about how Elijah may have felt over these years about losing his sister.  I then often think about how different life would be with her in it.  

Man.  How different, it seems, that life would be with her in it.  

But then again we would not have Anna in our lives without Ruthie.  

She has been there throughout this post divorce period and I can't imagine going through it without her.  

I think about that dinner we had at Chile's.  And that lunch we had at Taco Bell.  (The lunch at Chile's was way better by the way.)  But for a night I felt like I had a life.  

I'm going to the casino on Tuesday with Mike and it feels like I have a life.  

Maybe I need to go get coffee more often.  Me and Vivat get coffee.  Maybe I should make a point to get together with him.  

I did handyman work today and it doesn't feel dignifying anymore.  It feels like it is taking away the life that I need to be moving into.  

I will have the girls this week and that will make it a lot easier to say no to job requests.  

I thought about going back to New City but I think I'm going to wait until closer to the fall.  Until the start of the school year.  Just now I think about the Christmas Eve services, the fall activities at the church, and it's a good feel.  I think it may be a good place for me to be, eventually.  

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